Manifestation - Part 2 - Fear

 

    Delving into another manifestation of depression, we find fear. This emotion is interesting, as it can be the driving force behind other emotions, such as anger. I know this is true for me, even to the point that I will immediately become defensive and hostile when someone I love is asking me something simple. It doesn't need to happen, but it is an automatic response from me.

    Fear makes people do strange things. One such example of this in my life is that I have yet to tell anyone from my personal life that I am struggling with depression, out of the fear of their judgment and rejection. I know, I know, "that's not what will actually happen." While this is true, I'm not very good at rejection (see my post from Jan 4), and the fear that comes with telling them that I'm experiencing depression is overwhelming.

    Fear has it's place, it's there to keep us safe or from doing something dangerous. But when fear gets out of hand, it becomes a control freak. It starts to dominate everything you do and tell you that a simple question is actually an interrogation born out of distrust. And when this happens, it becomes a problem for everyone. It makes people around you feel like you're hiding something from them (which you technically are) and that your shady behavior is related to some terrible thing that you're involved in.

    Telling someone that I love that I feel depressed seems impossible, but I know it's a hurdle that I'm going to have to clear if I have any hope of beating this monster.